Archived News starting from 07-12-2009 and earlier
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After years of believing she did not like golfing, Lisa discovered that in fact, she did. The fact that it also offered an excuse to purchase multiple golfing outfits may have had something to do with the decision. The discovery led to a golf event of
epic proportions and almost resulted in the cranky starter kicking us off the course. Fortunately Lisas baseball swing and intoxication made him think twice about approaching us, and we successfully completed a full 9 holes.
With
Myrn in the Philippines and
Stavos in North Carolina, my online activity meter has dropped to 5% of it's usual rate. Nobody even comes close to conversing about nothing quite as well as the dynamic duo of nonsense. With no outlet for my babbling, I've been forced to talk to Lisa, who has a much lower tolerance for nonsense. I can only hope they return before she divorces me from frustration.
After Lisa's unexpected
warming to the motorcycle, it was time to upgrade to
professional gear. I was surprised it only took an hour to find the acceptable combination of cute and functional. The test run consisted of a trip to Coney Island for some
lunch followed by some
paparazzi stalking at the local Rite Aid. It goes without saying I'm tickled pink about finally upgrading to the "hot chick on the back" stage and can only hope one day she'll get her own bike and a girlfriend to form the ultimate "two hot chicks on a bike"
July 4th was
powered by the Schwartz's this year, resulting in an unprecedented fun factor of over 85%. After forcing them to watch Lisa and I eat our dinner, we treated them to some croquet and almost enough beer to get Lindsay and Lisa to make out (the missing 15% in the fun factor). After accepting the lack of girl-on-girl, we moved on to the main event: a bonfire and illegal mortar fireworks. Intoxication prevented planning a successful triple-launch, ending instead with a boring double-launch. Here's to hoping for a higher alcohol content beer for 100% fun factor next year.
Our initial plan to disc golf at Kensington was foiled when the shirtless pro disc golfers informed us there was league play in progress. Fearful of long waits (and more shirtless pro golfers),
Steve, Keith, Lisa and I decided on the
usual Cass Benton course instead, while Lindsay was assigned to clean her house. Lisa was sufficiently intoxicated to provide
ample entertainment, and the game was uneventful until a stinky hippie tried to steal my Valkyrie disc. I was forced to beat his patchouli smelling ass until he coughed it up and fled into the woods, leaving his dime bag for us to enjoy. Surprised we were not yet sick of each other, we reassigned Schwartz to the group for some mongolian BBQ. A game of frisbee disc torture followed in an attempt to discover who would suffer the worst non-lethal injury, followed by 1 vs 100 and shenanigans to round out the evening.
My first autocross of the season had only 90 people show up to the event, which meant each heat had 5 runs at the course, so my last two were
actually respectable. The deteriorating parking lot of the Palace also offered up plenty of opportunity to drift around the corners, which I did successfully except for my last run when I exited the cone slalom perpendicular to the course. Of course my
biggest fan attended which made all the difference.
Yesterday was the hottest day this year according to my infallible
weather station. 2007 still holds the record at
97.9°F, but unlike 2007, Michigan actually provided almost a week and a half of 70s before this latest heat wave. Here's to hoping for another stretch of enjoyable weather before summer is out.
| +94.5 °F at 16:01 on 24 June |
Today
Myrn tried to pull off his biggest bluff ever, stating he was in fact visiting Mackinac island for a radiator conference. The ridiculousness of having a radiator conference where cars are not allowed provided some comedy, but the jewel in this story was when
Stavos and I demanded a photo of him on-scene at the island. He actually
delivered on the request and the excited look on his face sent me into hysterics for a good 5 minutes. If you look closely you can see the outline of the monitor he fullscreened a photo of Mackinac on, and the glow of the monitor on his face. It's stunts like this that make me sad Myrn has been gone for
almost 6 years.
With Lisa in
full sass mode, I was forced to visit Gatlinburg Tennessee, the official home of overpriced crap. After a full day of looking at endless rows of stores selling the same junk I was rewarded with the one enjoyable part of the trip, the
motor nature trail. It's exactly what it sounds like, you drive your car high into the mountains (
3150 ft to be exact) and fill up on nature. Our nature included a deer, black bear, and
something for Lisa to stare at. Having had our fill, we rushed back to the hotel where I was told to cheer on the Penguins in some game called hockey. They eventually won the Stanley cup which was more than enough reason for Lisa to down several beers and pass out. Vacation success.
A trip to
St. Louis started with Lisa learning how her 300 annual bottles of beer are brewed at the
Anheuser-Busch Brewery tour, which was free as long as you promised not to pee in the beer. After getting sufficiently buzzed in the free sample room, we took a boat ride to confirm the St. Louis river front was as unexciting as Detroit. Then it was off to the giant arch for
sexually suggestive photos and a ride in the
munchkin elevator where Lisa was
outed as a demon and we were politely asked to leave. After some
inappropriate animal touching our adventure concluded.
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