Archived News starting from 06-25-2008 and earlier
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The high class city that is Redford, MI decided keeping grass under 6 inches would significantly affect home values. Never mind the inoperable vehicles spotting yards, 400lb shirt less hillbillies holding beers, or various police standoffs, the key to saving the city is keeping the grass under 6 inches. They recently started ticketing violators and since my house is next to someone who never mows their yard, I was chosen for the ticket since I pay my taxes and have not foreclosed on my house. A side benefit of this rule is a quick $75 from homeowners who don't want to bother fighting it, but after having the building department "lose" my furnace inspection certificate and subsequently attempt to fine me for non compliance, I was not about to give in to another attempt at extortion. Fortunately I wasn't the only one who thought ticketing citizens who pay their taxes on time was worth fighting. Four of us stood in front of the judge and attempted to convey the circus that is passed off as the office of building and safety. Apparently we became annoying as the judge suddenly said "just go" dismissing the charges. The quality of Redford city administration continues to reassure me that home value recovery is just around the corner.
After a call from my "wife" asking where a hand shovel was, I decided to tune into todays
GnomeCam to see what was up. To my surprise, somebody who looked a great deal like her was out in the yard weeding at 1:00pm. Not only is this unusual behavior for my wife, it's unprecedented, which immediately lead me to believe someone had kidnapped my wife and a lookalike was now weeding my front yard. After arriving home, my geiger counter did not register any radiation, which ruled out alien abduction, but her resemblance was so uncanny it seemed unlikely it was only cosmetic modification to a similar person. The chicken my mother was cooking in the stove mysteriously had the pan crack, which then prompted the lookalike to prepare it for rotisserie, no doubt something she saw my wife doing on a
recent photo album, hoping that would disspell my suspicions. The neighbors then arrived for dinner, and all appeared to be fooled, but I know what I saw and Lisa if you're out there, I'm still looking for you!
After
deflowering Tammy's Hooters virginity, and a round of glow putt putt, the Kelleys joined Lisa and I for a showing of
The Happening. The Kelleys gave it a thumbs down, and we gave it a thumbs up. The only thing to resolve such a disagreement was
a trip to Microcenter and then
Dave & Busters, where $50 got us 1900 tickets for a $10 gumball machine, but carnie economics always add up to fun in the end. On the way home I found cheap ($3.99 is cheap, HA!) gas and stopped in to find a broken card reader, necessitating a trip in. On entering the gas station, I was greeted with racial slurs being hurled back and forth, with one of the participants blocking the door on my way out. Moving him out of the way so I could exit the building prompted this
classic photo taken by
Stavos of the four short people arguing with me while Lisa tried to hold me back. Evidently Lisas efforts led them to believe I was some kind of a threat, as he suddenly offered to shake hands and told me he worked for the government. A strange end to our "Happening", which could only be followed up with
suggestive videos of Lisa playing Wii Fit.
Yesterday at 8:37am on the
Gnome Cam I noticed some activity at the former residence of the Morlock. Curious, I stopped by this morning and saw a pod of
morlock supplies in the driveway. Parked next to the pod was a Jeep with ONGNGN written on the back, which could only mean failed presidential nominee
Senator ONGNGN was present. Whether Morlock Prime was there remained uncertain, but judging by the pod and increased smokestack activity, I'm certain something is in progress. It's possible effect on the Eloi remains unknown, I'll be sure to keep you updated on any developments.
After spotting a
$100 bumper cover for sale, my previously adequate
replacement from
EternalOne was suddenly inadequate. To remedy the situation, I snatched it up, and after a $200 paint job and surprisingly difficult fog light install, my bumper was again
adequate. Eventually I plan to paint the grille black, to help tone down the loudness, but it's definitely much more subtle than some of the
other options available. Lisa and my neighbor both agreed I should include a shot with the lights on, so here it is:
enjoy.
I'm sure at least once a day, everyone finds themselves wondering: "What's in Brad's house right now?" Well I've anticipated your need and created a
UPC based inventory system. When Lisa recently asked if there was milk in the fridge, instead of answering her I decided to buy a
UPC scanner for my
kitchen computer. Now she can use her phone to
search our inventory for milk instead of asking me. I then informed her that talking to computers is always preferable to talking to people and that she should be excited about this new project rather than roll her eyes at me. To avoid typing in descriptions for every item I scan, I harnessed the power of
UPC Database, which is a community database of UPC codes. Over 90% of what I scanned was already in the database, which leads me to believe there are people out there who are much more obsessive compulsive than me.
The next time you're brave enough to stop by, don't ask me what kind of beer I have, just check my
basement stairwell or
cabinets.
After getting all
hot and bothered about my DPFE sensor, I finally found my
AutoTap cable and used my laptop to let my car tell me what was wrong. I was greeted with a "P0340 Camshaft Position Sensor A Circuit (Bank 1 or single sensor)" error, which is about as clear a request for a new
Camshaft Position Sensor my car can make. I promptly complied with the request for the $20 part and after a
quick procedure search had it swapped out in less than a minute. While guessing what's wrong with an engine is exciting, it's much more satisfying to actually solve it.
Lisa finally had her Chicago virginity deflowered this weekend during a
visit to my sisters apartment. After breakfast, our adventure began with our first trip on a
MetraRail train. Lisa would not stop talking about how public transportation needs to expand to alleviate congestion and reduce energy consumption, the rest of us just enjoyed the ride. Navy Pier was our first destination followed by a stop at Tiffany & Co jewelry where Lisa instructed me to purchase at least one item for her and then pretend it was my idea. She proceeded to
act surprised by the gift and spoke in a upper class voice for the duration of the visit. After an x-rated
horse race and
massage chair orgy, it was time to end our visit and return to the awaiting
storm of the century in Michigan.
The company I work for turned 2 years old as of today, and to
celebrate we were bussed down to
Cedar Point for the day. The new
Maverick ride was definitely unique with it's 95 degree drop but
Raptor and
Millennium Force remain my favorites, followed closely by
Wicked Twister. Cedar Point is unquestionably more enjoyable when you're getting paid to ride the rides.
Faced with 12 cubic yards of limestone deposited in the form of a long turd on my rear driveway, I decided to resort to an
unconventional method to spread it out. Rather than toiling with a metal rake all day, I put my Ranger in 4x4 and proceeded to floor it back and forth across the limestone turd. After several passes my dad suggested I drag some bundled 2x4s to smooth it out and voila, a well graded driveway for the price of gas.
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