Archived News starting from 07-04-2009 and earlier
BlogJuly 4th was
powered by the Schwartz's this year, resulting in an unprecedented fun factor of over 85%. After forcing them to watch Lisa and I eat our dinner, we treated them to some croquet and almost enough beer to get Lindsay and Lisa to make out (the missing 15% in the fun factor). After accepting the lack of girl-on-girl, we moved on to the main event: a bonfire and illegal mortar fireworks. Intoxication prevented planning a successful triple-launch, ending instead with a boring double-launch. Here's to hoping for a higher alcohol content beer for 100% fun factor next year.
Our initial plan to disc golf at Kensington was foiled when the shirtless pro disc golfers informed us there was league play in progress. Fearful of long waits (and more shirtless pro golfers),
Steve, Keith, Lisa and I decided on the
usual Cass Benton course instead, while Lindsay was assigned to clean her house. Lisa was sufficiently intoxicated to provide
ample entertainment, and the game was uneventful until a stinky hippie tried to steal my Valkyrie disc. I was forced to beat his patchouli smelling ass until he coughed it up and fled into the woods, leaving his dime bag for us to enjoy. Surprised we were not yet sick of each other, we reassigned Schwartz to the group for some mongolian BBQ. A game of frisbee disc torture followed in an attempt to discover who would suffer the worst non-lethal injury, followed by 1 vs 100 and shenanigans to round out the evening.
My first autocross of the season had only 90 people show up to the event, which meant each heat had 5 runs at the course, so my last two were
actually respectable. The deteriorating parking lot of the Palace also offered up plenty of opportunity to drift around the corners, which I did successfully except for my last run when I exited the cone slalom perpendicular to the course. Of course my
biggest fan attended which made all the difference.
Yesterday was the hottest day this year according to my infallible
weather station. 2007 still holds the record at
97.9°F, but unlike 2007, Michigan actually provided almost a week and a half of 70s before this latest heat wave. Here's to hoping for another stretch of enjoyable weather before summer is out.
| +94.5 °F at 16:01 on 24 June |
Today
Myrn tried to pull off his biggest bluff ever, stating he was in fact visiting Mackinac island for a radiator conference. The ridiculousness of having a radiator conference where cars are not allowed provided some comedy, but the jewel in this story was when
Stavos and I demanded a photo of him on-scene at the island. He actually
delivered on the request and the excited look on his face sent me into hysterics for a good 5 minutes. If you look closely you can see the outline of the monitor he fullscreened a photo of Mackinac on, and the glow of the monitor on his face. It's stunts like this that make me sad Myrn has been gone for
almost 6 years.
With Lisa in
full sass mode, I was forced to visit Gatlinburg Tennessee, the official home of overpriced crap. After a full day of looking at endless rows of stores selling the same junk I was rewarded with the one enjoyable part of the trip, the
motor nature trail. It's exactly what it sounds like, you drive your car high into the mountains (
3150 ft to be exact) and fill up on nature. Our nature included a deer, black bear, and
something for Lisa to stare at. Having had our fill, we rushed back to the hotel where I was told to cheer on the Penguins in some game called hockey. They eventually won the Stanley cup which was more than enough reason for Lisa to down several beers and pass out. Vacation success.
A trip to
St. Louis started with Lisa learning how her 300 annual bottles of beer are brewed at the
Anheuser-Busch Brewery tour, which was free as long as you promised not to pee in the beer. After getting sufficiently buzzed in the free sample room, we took a boat ride to confirm the St. Louis river front was as unexciting as Detroit. Then it was off to the giant arch for
sexually suggestive photos and a ride in the
munchkin elevator where Lisa was
outed as a demon and we were politely asked to leave. After some
inappropriate animal touching our adventure concluded.
On the way to Illinois for our 3-state road trip, one of many crapped out Honda encounters on the highway had me exceeding 100 MPH, so I decided to just keep on going. A tempting feature of my GPS is a maximum speed record that
saved the speed at which a loud thump scared the crap out of me and woke up Lisa. My immediate thought was I destroyed my car 500 miles from home, but after confirming I still had power the smell of burning plastic finally convinced me to pull over. My discovery that the lower radiator air deflector had dislodged and dragged itself into uselessness only confirmed my poor choice of reinstalling it with my after market bumper. An Indiana highway trooper quickly pulled behind me adding to the excitement while I finished removing the few remaining bolts still holding it to my frame. As he approached, I presented him with my broken air deflector and toolkit, which was enough to convince him I wasn't stoned out on drugs or carrying illegal immigrants. Satisfied and apparently oblivious to my jail-time speeding, he departed just in time to miss me throwing the air dam into the ditch and continuing on my way.
Our road trip to Illinois begins with Lisa
playing Xbox in the car, or at least until my crappy inverter oveheated and shut down. You know your obsession with a game console has crossed a line when you take it with you in your car. Denied her
Carcasonne crack, she was left with no choice but to
map out various unremarkable stops along our route while I
crawled behind two semis pacing the highway at 65 MPH for half an hour. Fortunately our hotel had internet and an hour of
1 vs 100 gave us the fix we so desperately needed.
A visit from the Flatlanders initiated an unprecedented double movie feature with Jaird, Keith and
Stavos. First up was the new Terminator, followed by a half hour break at Hooters, then Star Trek. Terminator ranked an average of 6.5/10 while Star Trek was a unanimous 10/10. Saturday started with the
same group tackling
Island Lake bike trail with Jaird voted as the one most likely to give up, but surprised us all by biking the full 6 miles of dirt trail. After a stop at Hamburger Hut to replace all the fat we burned, we took a trip to a local RC dirt track while Lisa slept off her hangover from the night before. An angry RC driver high on Nitro yelled at me for parking on the grass so I ran over his RC car and laughed maniacally. A bonfire to drive out the flatlander infection resulted in
various trippy photos but the stink of flatlander was not cleansed.
Hosted Domains
AtomicInternet
AtomicDetroit Forums
Web Applications
Photo Collection
Solar Generation
Weather Station
Gnome Webcam
Mower Status
Farmer Status
Upload Box
Home Inventory
AtomicDetroit Forums
System Info
System Statistics
Proton System
System Uptime
ASP.net Version
Vehicle Info
1999 Mercury Cougar
2017 Ford Focus ST
2017 Ford Focus RS
2013 Kawasaki Ninja
Search 1546 News Articles
Comment Statistics
