AtomicInternet Archived News

Archived News starting from 08-02-2011 and earlier

To my utter shock, Lisa actually washed the brand new car I bought for her today. You can witness the amazement on the GnomeCam before she moved to the side of the house after realizing the hose nozzle was busted. While I was forbidden to help in any way, I was allowed to hold Lila so she could also witness this historic event.

Sassypants turned 30 today which means she no longer has any trade-in value. I've already come to terms with this after the baby came out and significantly reduced her resale value. Fortunately she's been a good investment so far and at this point it's just cheaper to keep her. Our celebration of her decrease in blue book value began with a Red Lobster adventure followed by the typical shenanigans that automatically occur when groupings of our friends happen. The evening rounded out with some BF3 Alpha action for the guys and the girls talking about babies and vaginas or whatever it is they do.

Despite my best efforts, my neighbors obsession with modifying his car has spread and I've caught the disease. Regretting my switch to a stock exhaust on my Cougar, I found a $200 Pacesetter kit someone was probably glad to finally get out of their warehouse. A few nights of soaking in WD40 and the exhaust bolts were ready to come off, at which point Robbie and I made the swap. Thankfully it's not nearly as loud as my original flowmaster setup, but I also didn't notice any significant power gains. Hopefully I'm now immune to the modification insanity or I'll end up with body graphics plastered on my poor car.

Enorym gifted me with a Battlefield 3 Alpha key today and I couldn't be happier. After convincing him I was his only true friend, he handed it over and tonight I was in glorious BF3 joy. Unfortunately, being in alpha meant the game crashed every 15-20 minutes pretty reliably, but I was able to get second place during a span of reliability. I'm now 3 times as excited about the upcoming beta and eventual release, the graphics were of course amazing and I'm satisfied with the medic/assault combination class.

Cougarfest 2011 was held in Columbus with traffic congestion at the location 2nd only to Pigeon Forge. As a result the event was my preferred hotel parking lot centered affair as I rarely ventured out into the parking lot that was the local roads. Aside from a trip to the zoo, I spent the event playing Xbox from my trunk, passing Lila around the group, drinking heavily, and arguing with this guy who refused to accept commonly known physical properties regarding his engine. The total count was 28 cars which for it's 12th year amazed me, especially since all of the cars were pushing 100,000+ miles.

With my neighbors recent obsession of modifying the crap out of his brand new Mazdaspeed 3, he's often working in his garage. Bored and determined to spend my summer outside, I frequently stop by and belittle him as much as possible. During the latest belittlement, we noticed the Morlock left his trunk open. Being a good neighbor, I informed him of the issue via text but after 15 minutes it was clear he was either sleeping or ramming his new fiance. Obligated to perform shenanigans, we deposited the lawn clown in the open trunk and ran off cackling. I'm still not sure why this counted as a shenanigan, or why it was so funny, but I'm assuming the high temperature and alcohol consumption contributed.

As the last shuttle launch counts down, I take pause to reflect on my shattered dreams. Once full of hope and determined to join the ranks of NASA, distractions such as my life-long employer and the amazing world of Enorym and Stavos derailed any attempts. The impossibility of landing a job at NASA could have been overcome had I remained focused, but Microsoft also decided to introduce achievement points to the world and my fate was sealed. A victim of brilliant marketing, I'm now resigned to an eternal quest for useless points. While I still have hope of one day working in the aerospace industry, it's good to know my current obsession has more processing power than the venerable shuttle.

The Senator has outdone himself once again, this time with an after-bath photo of Lila becoming a Jedi. People not in the know are already asking Lisa how she got the photo, assuming it's a professional service and not the infinite boredom of the Senator. I smell a baby portrait service in the making.

Lilas first July 4th was filled with pomp and circumstance. Up first was the Plymouth 4th of July parade where Lila experienced 90 degree temperatures and a creepy pedophile spiderman. After politely declining spidermans offer of "spidey candy" we returned to my mothers for some late lunch. Robbie would not let the night pass without some serious explosions, the grande finale of which almost blew us up.

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