Archived News starting from 07-16-2011 and earlier
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Cougarfest 2011 was held in Columbus with traffic congestion at the location 2nd only to Pigeon Forge. As a result the event was my preferred hotel parking lot centered affair as I rarely ventured out into the parking lot that was the local roads. Aside from a trip to the zoo, I spent the event playing Xbox from my trunk, passing Lila around the group, drinking heavily, and
arguing with this guy
who refused to accept commonly known physical properties regarding his engine. The total count was 28 cars which for it's 12th year amazed me, especially since all of the cars were pushing 100,000+ miles.
With my neighbors recent obsession of modifying the crap out of his brand new Mazdaspeed 3, he's often working in his garage. Bored and determined to spend my summer outside, I frequently stop by and belittle him as much as possible. During the latest belittlement, we noticed the
Morlock left his trunk open. Being a good neighbor, I informed him of the issue via text but after 15 minutes it was clear he was either sleeping or ramming his new fiance. Obligated to perform shenanigans, we deposited the
lawn clown in the open trunk and ran off cackling. I'm still not sure why this counted as a shenanigan, or why it was so funny, but I'm assuming the high temperature and alcohol consumption contributed.
As the last shuttle launch counts down, I take pause to reflect on my shattered dreams. Once full of hope and determined to join the ranks of NASA, distractions such as my life-long employer and the amazing world of
Enorym and
Stavos derailed any attempts. The impossibility of landing a job at NASA could have been overcome had I remained focused, but Microsoft also decided to introduce achievement points to the world and my fate was sealed. A victim of brilliant marketing, I'm now resigned to an eternal quest for useless points. While I still have hope of one day working in the aerospace industry, it's good to know my current obsession has
more processing power than the venerable shuttle.
The
Senator has outdone himself once again, this time with an after-bath photo of Lila becoming a Jedi. People not in the know are already asking Lisa how she got the photo, assuming it's a professional service and not the infinite boredom of the Senator. I smell a baby portrait service in the making.
Lilas first July 4th was filled with pomp and circumstance. Up first was the Plymouth 4th of July parade where Lila experienced 90 degree temperatures and a
creepy pedophile spiderman. After politely declining spidermans offer of "spidey candy" we returned to my mothers for some late lunch. Robbie would not let the night pass without some serious explosions, the grande finale of which almost
blew us up.
After finding
this article I knew I would be upgrading my spare WP7 phone to the latest and greatest beta software. The
initial upgrade was like high school sex, knowing the parents were somewhere nearby but well worth the risk. 20 minutes with the upgraded phone and it was like your first college girl who does all kinds of crazy stuff the high school girl couldn't fathom. The high school chick was no longer an option, I had to risk bricking my primary phone. Fortunately no parents came crashing in to brick either phone and the unauthorized upgrade so far is working fantastic on both devices. Plan on keeping your distance from me for at least a week while I rant about the upgrade to anyone within earshot. Also my sex analogies might indicate some type of repressed homosexual urges so yet another reason to keep clear.
With the
Senator unable to discuss anything not related to his new Macbook, or the new thunderbolt port on it, my jealousy level was reaching an unacceptable level. My solution? A $400 used
ASUS G50V. Sadly, the 4 year old powerhouse laptop was now weaker than the mighty Radeon in his new Macbook which I
discovered after receiving it. Still, it's a gigantic leap from my previous laptop, which couldn't even play Starcraft 2. I ran a
3DMark hoping against hope that I might still prevail, sadly the numbers were not on my side.
After visiting every auto parts store on my street (there are 3) not one had a new muffler for my 2004 Ranger. At the last store, however, they recommended a "Muffler Band-Aid" that is essentially a fiberglass strip that's bonded with sodium silicate (liquid glass) to tolerate the heat from the muffler. After soaking the strip in the liquid glass and not wearing eye protection, I flung the patch over the hole in my muffler only to have a drop of the fluid land square in my left eye. I now know what it feels like to have cement form over your eyeball, and it's not pleasant. 10 minutes of flushing with water later, I was still in pain but could see enough to finish the patch. I've yet to actually test the patch job, but I'm sure any long-term eye damage will far outcost any savings I may have accomplished with it.
Less than a year and a half after
installing my powermeter, Google power; the primary reason I got the meter, is
being shut down. I can't imagine recording numbers in a spreadsheet takes a lot of resources, but apparently it was too much effort to keep alive. Fortunately my mysterious error on the
power page has fixed itself aside from the still busted gauges.
Lisa decided she had to act on her urge to make Tacos so I invited a bunch of random people who surprisingly all showed up save the Senator who mentioned something about not liking Lila. Tigerbomb and wife were compelled by guilt to visit with at least one holding the baby, while Whineyho was physically unable to hold the child (Schwartz was accommodating). I purchased pizza and alcohol for James and Cailen who arrived late to find all taco meat already consumed, sufficiently countering my bad host reputation. Lisa drank entirely too much and entertained those who stayed late.
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