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Today is Voting day, so I thought I'd provide a guide for anyone who has yet to partake in our democratic process.

1. Go here to see your ballot and polling place if you're registered.
2. Research your candidates! Most have killed babies and supported terrorism according to the people they are running against.
3. Arrive at your polling place with your voting card or drivers licence.
4. There will be 4 tables with no directions. Ask one of the tables what to do.
5. You'll be directed to the "Voter Application Table." Fill out a voter application (name and address)
6. A nice old lady will smile and ask for your application. She'll drop it and you'll see the other people with your last name registered to vote.
7. When she recovers she'll put a sticker on your application and refer you to another table
8. This table will take your stickered application hand you your actual ballot
9. Take your ballot (in it's folder) and proceed to a mega-secure voting booth (table with a pen and three walls)
10. Take your ballot out of the folder and Vote! (fill in the circles). The machine will beep and embarrass you if you vote for too many people for any category. You can vote for as many categories as you want (or none at all!)
11. Put your ballot back in the folder and go to the table you haven't visited yet.
12. A scantily clad teenage girl will smile at you and pop her bubble gum. Hand her the folder with your ballot.
13. She'll take your application from the front of the folder and hand it back.
14. Go to the VoteMaster 5000 and feed your ballot into the machine. It will beep and show you the number of people that voted today.
15. Hand the folder back and scream something in latin, then run like hell.