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After getting all 
hot and bothered about my DPFE sensor, I finally found my 
AutoTap cable and used my laptop to let my car tell me what was wrong.  I was greeted with a "P0340 Camshaft Position Sensor A Circuit (Bank 1 or single sensor)" error, which is about as clear a request for a new 
Camshaft Position Sensor my car can make.  I promptly complied with the request for the $20 part and after a 
quick procedure search had it swapped out in less than a minute.  While guessing what's wrong with an engine is exciting, it's much more satisfying to actually solve it.