AtomicInternet Archived News

Last weekend, Lisa was diagnosed with severe Chronos disease and spent 3 days in the hospital. While I tried to figure out what I would need to do to accommodate her inability to exist in a linear-time based world she corrected me and told me it was actually Crohn's disease. The treatment involves taking steroids, so my concern for adapting to non-linear time turned to fear of her ever increasing muscle mass and resulting roid rage episodes. After a full week of steroids, I'm happy to say she has not yet snapped me in half, thanks mostly to skipping her anti-whine and anti-complain pills which means most of her time is spent whining and complaining instead of beating me up. My 90-day warranty on Lisa expired Jan 6th, so if she doesn't get better my only option is an eBay auction which, given her condition, would probably not even cover shipping. Fortunately she's still smokin hot and makes me dinner so I'm sticking with my investment for now.