AtomicInternet Archived News

Digging through boxes of junk stored under my stairs, I discovered some original toys my mother had stashed long ago for me to pass on to my future children. Amazingly, I did in fact find a woman willing to have sex with me and now have a daughter to accept said toys. I gladly cleaned up and handed her some dinosaurs from the early 90s show creatively titled "Dinosaurs," some California Raisins, Micro Machines and a few crappy transformers. I did not, however, give up the 1988-1990 era McDonalds Transformers (OK, they look more like crappy GoBots) I found. I decided to keep these for myself even after discovering they are essentially worthless on eBay. In fact after discovering they did not appreciate I immediately made a bad decision and purchased the remaining members I did not have in my collection. They now sit on my desk at work, reminding me of my childhood dreams of NASA and exploring Mars that remain as yet unfulfilled.