AtomicInternet Archived News

With my 2006 era Blackberry 8703e randomly rebooting, I decided it was time to re-enter the modern world. As an anti iPhone supporter, aware of the subliminal messaging broadcast to its users, I knew it was something I definitely did not want. After derailing the iPhone train and sneaking out the emergency exit past the Apple enforcer drones, I found myself disoriented in a dark sewer. Various shady characters cautiously approached claiming to have the perfect iPhone killer that would suit all my underground needs. I fought past them to a barrel fire where a man with no legs was warming his hands. The iPhone train had recovered at this point and was resuming its trip down the line, causing the iPhone killer crowd to scatter back to their hiding places. The legless man did not move, perhaps because he had no legs but I like to think it was because he knew he had the right phone for me. Out of his jacket came a Blackberry Curve 8330 from 2008, a full 2 year advance over my old phone. The camera, Bluetooth stereo, Bluetooth dial up networking, satellite based GPS and mini sd card were all new to me, but he assured me it was nothing cutting edge. His initial price of 120 imperial credits was quickly reduced to 80 after I pulled a knife on the poor soul. We both knew it was discarded by one of the many iPhone converts and he had probably just picked it up off the street. He held no grudge after I put the knife away; it's just how business is done outside the Apple store. I found a new understanding of the world in the sewer that night, but more importantly I found my new phone.